Infertility sucks!!!

My husband is driving me nuts! Last night he was feeling sorry for himself again! Why won't the Lord give us kids?! That is what he was wailing to me via texts last night. He even went so far as to say God should just make it happen or kill him. Reminds me of Rebekah in the Old Testament. She said the very same thing to her husband Jacob. There are so many things in life to live for, children are not the be all and end all of a marriage. There is still the two of us! He is so focused on how he is feeling that he forgets that I am part of the equation. He hardly touches me, and I am so in need of his touch. He also hardly wants to have sex anymore. How else is this miracle he wants so badly supposed to happen? Immaculate conception?! He is mostly infertile, which means that he could get me pregnant under the right circumstances. It is possible! IT IS POSSIBLE!!! God expects us to do everything we can ourselves, then he helps out. We have to our part. He won't do it for us. Part of our experience here in this realm of existence is to become as self-sufficient as possible. He wants to crawl in a corner and die. Why can't he see the many wnderful possibilities this world holds, and enjoy them?! He is missing out! I have mourned the loss of my children I could have had. If the adoption eventually works out, I will be thrilled! If we get a foster child through our home that becomes adoptable, you will not be able to contain my enthusiasm! But I cannot live my life constant moping about because I don't have them -- yet. I will get that blessing eventually, as long as I live worthy of it. This is what I believe, with every fiber of my being. As I was texting him last night, I felt so strongly that it is true. He is wasting so much energy and time being miserable. It isn't any fun. He isn't happy. Why does he insist on feeling this way? He needs to let it go!